The Death and Burial of an Orthodox Christian

On July 3rd the Orthodox Church comemorates all the saints who have shone forth in North America. One of the lines of one of the songs we sing about them mentions "saints known and unknown". Since I have some friends from the Evangelical Free Church visiting my Church, Holy Trinity Cathedral for the Festal Vigil on the evening of July 2nd, I've been thinking about the texts of the service and how I am going to explain saints to them. In particular, what was I going to say about "Known and unknown" saints. Then last night, as I was falling asleep in bed, I remembered a man named Isaac I would sometimes talk to at Archangel Bookstore in San Francisco, and how everytime I saw him I saw the love of God. And how being around him always made me feel closer to God. But I could'nt remember his name. Then this morning I found the following account of his death in my email box. (I didn't even know he was sick until after he was dead.) If yesterday I had suspicions that Isaac was a saint, those suspicions are now confirmed today. Saint's don't necessarily walk around doing miracles, unless you think it miraculous that love is lived in a city that mocks love. In Isaac's case, it seems like he did the most saintly of things, he helped others by suffering; he provided an opportunity for God's mercy to work through the people around him, making those who ministered to him more holy, too. This is the story of his death as told by the woman who loved him and took care of him to the end. The Death and Burial of an Orthodox Christian by Maria Nash Although there is no more personal a story than that of the death of a loved one, I am inspired to share at least some of the events that transpired in the passing of my husband, Isaac Nash, who died last year. While we had only seven years together, I do not regret my decision to be his wife. Our whole married life was spent at Raphael House as members of the live-in community -- which is a dozen Orthodox Christian staff members plus live-in volunteers who help run a shelter for homeless families in San Francisco. Other Orthodox and non-Orthodox complete the staff and volunteer core that provides services to fulfill our mission of helping at risk families achieve financial independence while strengthening family bonds. This Raphael House community plus other family and friends helped me to care for Isaac in life, and also after his death. We discovered that we could handle all the details ourselves -- without a funeral home or funeral director. Isaac's body was not embalmed -- it went from his sick bed directly into a lovingly made coffin, into the church for the services, and then was transported directly to the monastery and to his grave. I will briefly discuss his hospice care, our preparation and care for his body and the burial. Hospice Care In the beginning of hospice care I continued to work at my job, but stayed home with Isaac full time for the last weeks of his life. His hospice nursing case manager came once per week and I could call a nurse at all times and they would stop by if there was ever an urgent need. Hospice also provided a nursing aid a few hours per day during his last week. Also during the last six days, I hired a night nurse so that I could get some sleep. I loved caring for Isaac, but it was trying and tiring. While I was his primary caregiver, in addition to the hospice workers, I had a whole team of people backing me up -- the Raphael House live-in staff plus my church community and other friends and family. Amidst the difficulties of his illness and loss a new understanding and world was revealed in the opening of so many hearts to Isaac and me. Carmela helped with the nursing care, was on call during the night, and got anything that I needed -- whether it was my morning coffee or a bandaid. Bob was there to help with any lifting or anything that was needed. He also was my right-hand person in helping to think through all the details and make sure I had all the information and supplies needed for the final preparations and burial. A Raphael House live-in volunteer David Costas, carried a beeper in the last weeks of Isaac's life and came every time I called to help me to move Isaac up in bed or other lifting I could not do on my own. Matushka Angela (Matushka, little mama, priest's wife)let me use her car during day to run errands, and was available for any help we needed. Our parish priest, Fr. Tom visited and brought the Holy Gifts to Isaac on many occasions before his death. Connie gave both Isaac and I massages. Elena, Ralitza and others helped with laundry... I would just leave a load outside of my door and later find it clean and folded. Without hesitation, Fr. David made it possible for me to completely drop out from all my Raphael House responsibilities and duties. I'll never forget the day that Isaac needed to talk to a priest and Fr. David immediately came up to hear his confession. Matushka Elaine was trained to help with the nursing care, and offered such loving support every time I saw her. My Mother came to my graduation the week after Isaac was diagnosed and he was already too sick to attend the ceremony. She visited again a few months later just to be with us and offer her wonderfully sensitive love and support, and once more at the end. Fr. Nicholas and Lucia came to San Francisco while Isaac's family was visiting and helped me to host them. Then they came again at the end, along with John, Ian, Gina and Sophia. It is a unique situation to live in an Orthodox community like Raphael House where there is so much support readily available. To make hospice work without hiring a lot of nurses, one would have to come up with a similar team of people to help the primary caregiver. Although Raphael House may be a unique sort of community environment, hospice works in regular home situations all the time. Preparing for Burial How we gathered the information on preparing Isaac's body for his casket and burial was a gradual process of discovery. In the July/August 2004 AARP Magazine, Isaac was drawn to an article on the "green" burial movement and expressed interested in this route for his own burial. Green burials are legal and meet all state regulations and health requirements, but there is no embalming, making everything safely biodegradable and therefore environmentally friendly. (Green Graveyards -- A Natural Way to Go -- For black-and-white reprints of this article call (800) 635-7181, ext. 8158 or check the internet: http://www.aarp.org/bulletin/yourlife/Articles/a2004-06-30-green_graveyards.html I never knew that embalming was a choice. Probably like most people, I thought there was some kind of a law about it. I discovered that this is not true -- at least not in California and most states. A mortuary employee told us that "it is a law that a body must be either refrigerated or embalmed before 24 hours after death." This is not true either. I also learned that embalming is not a traditional Orthodox practice from the material prepared by Fr. George Gray's parishioners of the St. Elizabeth Committee of St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Portland, Oregon, entitled RESOURCES in Preparation for Dying, Death and Burial In this publication it states, "The procedure that takes place in the 'prep room' of contemporary American mortuaries is one that, quite simply put, is an offence to the temple of the Holy Spirit that our bodies are considered to be." (http://www.stnicholaspdx.org/articles/SaintNicholasChurchResourcesBooklet.pdf) In August 2004, I saw a portion of a very intriguing television documentary on PBS about home funerals, which I later learned was describing stories of people involved with the organization Final Passages -- which is further described below. In September 2004, Isaac prompted a meeting to be held with his confessor, Fr. Jonah Paffhausen, Bob Harrison and Tulio Vasquez who would help us with this process, and the two of us. Fr. Jonah told us about the prayer services and how they would proceed, and that we would not need to use the services of a mortician or funeral home, but only had to complete and file two forms. He told us that parishioners from St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in San Anselmo, California had further information on how to prepare a body for burial. Tulio attends St. Nicholas Church in San Anselmo and had a fellow parishioner, Maia, send me the one page sheet on 'directions for preparing a body for burial'. This sheet includes some names and numbers of people to call for more information, which led me to the organization called Final Passages (http://www.finalpassages.org). I ordered the full manual from Final Passages which, in combination with the sheet from Maia, were my guides to understanding the steps of caring for a body, and the supplies and information that we needed to get together ahead of time. Very important also was a gift from my parents of the aforementioned booklet prepared by the St. Elizabeth Committee of St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Portland, Oregon, entitled RESOURCES in Preparation for Dying, Death and Burial. The statement in the booklet that it is not an Orthodox practice to embalm helped to seal the idea and we became committed to doing it all ourselves. We purchased the beautiful casket ahead of time from the monks of the Monastery of St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco in Point Reyes, California. (http://www.monasteryofstjohn.org/Caskets.php) Our friend, Emily Newbury, devoted a whole Saturday to lovingly decorate the casket with padding, satin material and ornate edging. A group of our young Raphael House live-in volunteers: Naomi, Rachel, and David, along with Bob, Tulio and Christopher -- took it upon themselves to take a trip to Platina, California to dig Isaac's grave at the St. Herman of Alaska Monastery. Even though Isaac had visited this monastery only once before he was sick, he was absolutely sure that he wanted to be buried there. After getting his approval, Abbot Gerasim directed Isaac to write a letter stating his intention and request to have his final resting place at the St. Herman of Alaska Monastery. At the End Isaac looked so beautiful and natural in repose. It may not have been that way if his body had been embalmed. Nor would we have had the opportunity to show our love for him by preparing his body for burial ourselves -- to wash and anoint it, and give it back to the earth in his natural form. Having his body amongst us for three days allowed us to continue to look, to touch, to kiss, and to begin to accept the reality of his death. To have had to be separated from his physical presence at that time would have made it all much more difficult. As we try to respect the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit in life, so we are able to do after death as well. It can be a blessing for everyone who participates. In Isaac's case, after his spirit passed, we immediately gathered and said the Pannihkida prayer service, followed by our preparation of his body. I was directing and his son, Lawrence Nash, Bob Harrison, and John Garner -- with the help of a wonderful nurse -- washed and anointed him, put on his baptismal robe, and placed his body into the beautiful casket. At the same time, Fr. Nicholas read the Psalter, while others prayed and helped as they could. The coffin was then taken downstairs and placed in the Chapel of the Archangels at Raphael House with his feet facing the altar. Interspersed with divine services, for two days Psalms were chanted around the clock as people took turns keeping vigil. The first evening the Vigil for the Departed was done. The following night, the choir of monks from The Monastery of St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco lovingly and beautifully sang the funeral service with Fr. Jonah, Fr. Nicholas Letten, Fr. David Lowell, and our parish priest, Fr. Thomas Alessandroni, (Synaxis of the Theotokos Mission) as celebrants. The Divine Liturgy was served the following morning. Isaac's body was then taken to St. Herman of Alaska Monastery, in Platina, California, where Abbot Fr. Gerasim, Fr. David Shank and others participated in the burial rite. Fr. Tom offered a loving graveside homily. Many put a shovel of dirt over the casket after it was lowered down, and Isaac's son, Lawrence and Larry (Maria's brother) worked until well after the sun went down to fill in the six foot grave. Dr. Roth "I love you, Forgive me, I forgive you…" Dr. Roth told Isaac that this was what he needed to get said to people in the face of his diagnosis of liver cancer. Dr. Roth was the one who broke the news of his cancer to us, visited Isaac at home, and came over to sign the forms for me after his death. It has proven so true and helpful what Dr. Roth told me -- that mourning is not a linear process, it is ok to feel joy and happiness when it comes, and that the sorrow will take its own course…this way and that. A Glimpse of Isaac Close friends of Isaac's wrote to me soon after his death, "We have met few if any that our Lord has blessed with the gifts that Isaac had with his relationships with people. People of all ages. It just didn't matter to Isaac who you were or how old or young you were, he just gave you a big portion of God's love whenever he was around you." I found another example of Isaac's generous and evangelical spirit recently when I came across a Christmas card which he wrote to his daughter and her husband -- that for some reason did not get mailed… "Dear Connie & Elvis, May Christ, Mary's Baby Boy find welcome anew and afresh in your hearts this Christmas. Though it was a manger He was laid in that night in Bethlehem, He came to this world to dwell in you and me, all the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve. Glorify Him in your hearts as Lord and Savior. Magnify Him as King and God…" As that card shows, Isaac never lost an opportunity to express his deep love and faith in Christ and at his end he faced his illness and impending death with this same courage and faith. He took this final opportunity seriously and was able, by God's grace, to use his last days as a time of cleansing and prayer. His concern was for those he left behind. He inspired all of us who had the good fortune to serve him at the end of his life. Even in the last few days when he could no longer talk and was just resting, tenderness and light seemed to come out of his pores like the glow of a full moon. He continued to love us until the end, and our faith tells us that he still does, and we continue to love him with the prayers that the church has given us to offer up for his sweet soul. Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, grant rest to thy servant Isaac! Note: I have prepared a much longer article with practical details on how to prepare and to take care of a loved one's body after death, including information on filling out the government forms in California. I'd be happy to send this to anyone. Email mnash@raphaelhouse.org or call (415) 474-4621.