Yesterday I went to my Mom's apartment to start cleaning it out. Everything in those rooms seemed to reflect echoes of her back to me. But they were weaker than they were on Thursday. And much weaker than they were on Tuesday when I last talked to her on the phone, when we talked about how beautiful my nephew's wedding was, when she asked me to take her to the doctor on Friday, which would have been yesterday.
The echoes yesterday when I was cleaning out my Mom’s refrigerator were much weaker than the Friday before (or was it Monday? I can't belive I am unable to remember what day it was.), when I last was in her apartment. When, for the last time, I saw Basil run down the hallway to her door with his arms in the air and his red shoes a blur. I thought then, “I’m going to miss the sound of those little feet running down this hallway when he is older.” When he reached her door she was standing there, barely, to greet him. And as always he hugged her knee. He will not rundown that hallway again.
The echoes were fainter still, and mor horrible when I looked in the clost and saw the toys she had bought for my sons to play with when they visted her. That they had played with at her feet on Just a few days earlier.
I brought some pictures home from her apartment. Anselm brought home the broom that he used to sweep off her patio, the patio he has swept almost every week since he was two years old.
Today we were at a farm on the coast to get pumpkins. We got the pumpkins but we also climbed up onto a 2 ½ story high stack of hay bales and jumped off. I rode the boys around in a wheel barrow. We played with the goats and the pig. On the way home I thought, “I’ll call Mom when I get home. She’ll love hearing …”
But there is no one to call to tell about the exploits of my children. At least, no one who will be as delighted to hear as their Granny was.
I am sad for me. I am heartbroken for them.
But I will tell them the stories and they will remember she loved them. And, I hope, the echoes of her love will not fade to nothing. I hope its enough.
1 day ago
4 comments:
Sending hugs to you all.
I will light candles for you all at Liturgy this morning.
I lit a candle for her Eternal Memory this morning. Hugs to all.
Thank you both very much.
the echos of her love will never dissipate as long as you are telling them how much she loved them Matt. I have done this with my son and his first dad, who he has no memory of because he was only 18 mos. when he died.
My Mother did this with my and my Grandmother for whom I was named. She reposed long before I was born, but somehow I love her and know she loves me.
May her memory be eternal. May our Gracious Lord bring you all comfort and peace.
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