Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Latest Ad

You tired of white walls? Tired of having an apartment with the same white color scheme as your last 3 apartments? Then come to Greentree, baby. We'll hook you up.

You want a different color on every wall? That's easy. You want the whole thing in electric blue? You got it, baby. Anything you want you can have. 720 square feet of fabulous personalized lush living + a bodacious balcony for sipping martinis on those balmy summer nights.

1 bedroom/1 bath. Want that bedroom teal and the bathroom green? Okay. If that's what you want that's what I'll give you. Want pink and purple stripes in the hallway? Sure. Like I said, whatever you want. You want a flaming red ceiling in the bedroom? Pow! It's yours! Or maybe you wan't the whole place to be painted in aquamarine to match the pool? Yeah! let's do it! I'm diggin it!

So what else do you want to know? This inspiring love-pad is on the corner of the building so you get gazillions of photons of light. And it's away from the street so you don't get street noise. Ceiling fans in kitchen and bedroom. Under the sink you'll find a bone-grinding "Badger-5" garbage disposal. Reserved parking. Oh, and did I mention the on-site manager who can sign for your deliveries while you are out? And the location is totally fab. It is right by Saratoga and Stevens Creek. What does that mean? It means you are 2 minutes from I-880, I-280, and the San Tomas Expressway. You can walk to Barnes and Noble. You can walk to Valley Fair. You can walk to Santana Row.

This little multi-chromatic castle is not going to be on the market long. We rent to anyone who is qualified. That means we don't care what color you are (although if you are blue we might check for a pulse), what god and/or goddess and/or rock star and/or tree and/or intelligent shade of blue you worship, venerate, serve, or hope doesn't really exist. We only care about your financial qualifications and your rental history. We also don't care what country, pseudo-country, or principality, kingdom, empire, republic, or commonwealth you or your ancestors immigrated from or pretend to have immigrated from. (Unless you are from Andora, which isn't really a country! Ha! Okay, okay. If you say it is, I'll believe you.) Are you handicapped? Hey, come on down, I'll rent to you. Got kids? I'll rent to you! Don't have kids? I'll give you one of mine! Ha! Just kidding. We'll rent to childless people, too! I'm serious! All I care about are your financial qualifications and your rental history. I don't care what sex you are, used to be, or want to be. Really! I'm not making this up! I don't care about your race, either. Unless it is the Daytona 500. What you like auto racing? Okay, I won't hold that against you. Heck, I like driving fast, too. What I am saying is that "It is illegal to discriminate against any person because of race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin." Therefore, we do not do it. So, come and rent my apartment. You know you want it. Call me at 408-247-4646. Operators are standing by.

1 comment:

Huw Richardson said...

We need more of this in Asheville. You guys should move. I'm sure we could find a building for you to manage and for us to move into.

And I'd like green and black stripes.