I love you, Lord, kind of.

The Handmaiden posted a quote from "The Way of a Pilgrim". It got me to thinking.

Back in 1974 a woman by the name of Laurie Klein wrote a very pretty song called I Love You Lord. It became a popular song at The Church on the Way, and spread throughout the pentecostal churches in California pretty rapidly. The song was included in Maranatha Music's Praise 4 cassette in 1980 and spread throughout the world. It really is a beautiful song and echoes parts of the Song of Solomon and some Psalms. But I always felt like a hippocrite when I sang the song. Jesus said, "If you love me you will keep my commandments". I think I might want to love the Lord. Or, maybe, wish I wanted to love the Lord. But I'm not even sure of that. As far as I can tell, I've only lived three sinless days in my whole life, and probably, if I looked harder at those days I would find sin in them. That is proof enough that I don't love Him.

What I do know is that even though I do not love Him, He loves me. And when I ask Him to have mercy He does. In fact, He pours out His mercy on me day and night, whether or not I ask for it, whether or not I think of Him, even if I hate Him. The wells of His mercy never run dry.