I did the "That famous guy on TV is one of us" thing

So, Anselm and I were sitting in an "Irish pub" on Murphy Street in Sunnyvale the other day and they had a football game showing on the TV. When I saw Troy Polamalu walk onto the field I said to Anselm, "See that guy? He's Orthodox like you."
Anselm said, "I've never seen him at Church."
"I think he attends the liturgy at a monastery somewhere near where he lives. He lives on the other side of the country".
"Is he a subdeacon?"
"I don't think so."
"Is he a priest?"
"No."
"Then why is he on TV?"
"He's a football player and people like to watch football on TV. He's pretty famous."
"Does he have a lot of money?"
"I think so."
"Could he buy this place?"
"Probably."
"Well, if he's not a priest why is his hair long?"