The Christmas List for the Man Who Has Everything

Lots of famous people make lists of things they think you should give as Christmas presents.  Oprah has one.  Martha has one.  Hef used to publish one.  Mine is different.  Mine is the list of things you should give to men in their late 40s.  They are not things anyone needs.  They are merely things that make life a little more comfortable and a bit more happy.

1. Because even though he is older now, he remembers being a boy, and boys dress up like their heroes.  So you will want to buy him a deerstalker.

2. In North America Christmas comes just before the coldest days of the year.  And no matter how well insulated the house is, he will want a nice sweater to wear in the evening.  He probably remembers the comfortable and durable sweater he wore in the field when he was a soldier, or maybe he only saw soldiers on the big screen wear them.  It doesn't matter.  He will get many winter's wear out of this army-inspired Infantry Sweater from Duluth Trading Company.  The company has a well-earned reputation for making long-lasting and comfortable clothing.  He is sure to wear it often.

3.  He probably doesn't smoke (does anyone smoke anymore?) but he will still get lots of joy from a crystal table lighter that will remind him of when he visited his elegant friends in Miami.  Since no one smokes anymore no one makes gorgeous crystal table lighters anymore.  But you can still find brilliant Waterford lighters on eBay.

4.  What is comfort?  A leather wingback club chair.  This is one is one of the best.  It's made with hardwood and top grain leather.  No yellow pine and bonded leather for your man.

5. "Tobacco is an Indian weed.  The Devil's the one who sewed the seed. It yellows your fingers and dirties your clothes and makes a chimney out of your nose."  But that's no reason for him not to have the cigar store indian of his dreams.  The highest quality antique indians go for $50,000, $70,000 or and even more, but isn't he worth it?  And there are deals to be found on eBay.  With a little searching and a little luck you might find the perfect one for your man's favorite room.

6.  It's his favorite lamp from his favorite Christmas movie.  Why not give it to him?  Doesn't he deserve a major award?

7. Seriously, who doesn't want a working miniature canon under the tree on Christmas morning?

8.  He never bought a class ring because he was doing things like paying for diapers and bicycles.  And he would never buy one now because it would be an act of vanity.  But if you bought it for him it would be an act of love.  So go to the Josten's website and order a class ring for him.

9.  You might think it's nuts but he would really like the standing squirrel nut bowl.  He'll set it on his desk and admire it.  Trust me.  He will.

10.  In the age of digital, when everything is lights and screens and plastic, does anything say luxury and civilization like a dictionary lectern?  Just imagine this beautiful piece of furniture supporting the OED or, perhaps, Noah Webster's first dictionary.

11.  He's not just a reader who likes to sit in his chair and read old books, he's also an outdoorsman who ties his zebra midges and klinkhammers beside those cold Sierra streams so they match the hatch.  Therefore, get him this beautiful (for it's functionality) fly-tying kit.

12.  Sometimes, usually in the summer, when the bass and crape are biting in the lakes, he'll want to be out on the water, not wading in it.  For those times a wooden canoe is just what is needed.

13.  Sometime or other the power is going to go out.  It might be because of an EMP, the zombie apocalypse, or who knows what.  But when it happens the cell phone map app won't work.  He's going to need a case to cary his paper maps in.  Why not give him the map case that won WWII?

14.  You never know when he might need to shoot somebody, but when he does don't you want him to do do it like an American?  Of course you do.  That's why your going to give him a Taylor.

15.  He loves Christmas movies and even watches them in the middle of July.  Among his favorite is The Santa Clause, so what better gift to give hem than a snow globe?  But not just any snow globe.  The best snow globe in the world!  And Gump's sells them. (Update 9/11/2019:  On no!  Gumps is out of business!