I'm sitting in a Starbucks in El Sobrante. Black coffee.
Yesterday I moved from Lara's house, where I lived for 2 weeks, to my friend Jeff's house in Pinole (Pinole is too small for a Starbucks?). (You might remember Jeff. I used to blog with him.)
I have court dates on the 14th and the 17th and a job interview on the 18th. All back in San Jose. So, I'll be down there on those days. I hope I can see my Anselm and Basil on those days.
I don't know how long I'll be at Jeff's house. The future is hidden as if by fog. I can see shadows of things that are near but I do not know what they mean.
I don't know if Orthodox kids are told this or not, but when I was a Protestant kid I was often told that God has a plan for my life and I just need to find that plan. Well, yesterday while driving up the peninsula and across the bay I was reflecting on the fact that I have failed at almost every important thing in my life. Has God cursed me? And I was thinking about how so many times, from at least the age of 6 months, I have been rescued over and over again by various people. When would I be in a position to not need rescuing but be able to be a rescuer. I was wondering what God's plan for my life could possibly be, and why hasn't he brought it to pass? Then it occurred to me: God had a plan for Lazarus' life, too. I don't mean Lazarus of Bethany. I mean this Lazarus:
 "There was a rich man, who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day.
 And at his gate lay a poor man named Laz'arus, full of sores,
 who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table; moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
 The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom. The rich man also died and was buried;
 and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes, and saw Abraham far off and Laz'arus in his bosom.
 And he called out, `Father Abraham, have mercy upon me, and send Laz'arus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in anguish in this flame.'
 But Abraham said, `Son, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Laz'arus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.
 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.'
 And he said, `Then I beg you, father, to send him to my father's house,
 for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.'
 But Abraham said, `They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.'
 And he said, `No, father Abraham; but if some one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.'
 He said to him, `If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced if some one should rise from the dead.'"
(Yes, I realize that as an American living in the 21st century I am richer than that rich man was.)
23 hours ago