Saturday, July 13, 2013


I'm sitting in a Starbucks in El Sobrante.  Black coffee.
Yesterday I moved from Lara's house, where I lived for 2 weeks, to my friend Jeff's house in Pinole (Pinole is too small for a Starbucks?).  (You might remember Jeff.  I used to blog with him.) 
I have court dates on the 14th and the 17th and a job interview on the 18th.  All back in San Jose.  So, I'll be down there on those days.  I hope I can see my Anselm and Basil on those days.
I don't know how long I'll be at Jeff's house.  The future is hidden as if by fog.  I can see shadows of things that are near but I do not know what they mean. 

I don't know if Orthodox kids are told this or not, but when I was a Protestant kid I was often told that God has a plan for my life and I just need to find that plan.  Well, yesterday while driving up the peninsula and across the bay I was reflecting on the fact that I have failed at almost every important thing in my life.  Has God cursed me?  And I was thinking about how so many times, from at least the age of 6 months, I have been rescued over and over again by various people. When would I be in a position to not need rescuing but be able to be a rescuer. I was wondering what God's plan for my life could possibly be, and why hasn't he brought it to pass?   Then it occurred to me: God had a plan for Lazarus' life, too.  I don't mean Lazarus of Bethany.  I mean this Lazarus:

[19] "There was a rich man, who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day.
[20] And at his gate lay a poor man named Laz'arus, full of sores,
[21] who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table; moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
[22] The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom. The rich man also died and was buried;
[23] and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes, and saw Abraham far off and Laz'arus in his bosom.
[24] And he called out, `Father Abraham, have mercy upon me, and send Laz'arus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in anguish in this flame.'
[25] But Abraham said, `Son, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Laz'arus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.
[26] And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.'
[27] And he said, `Then I beg you, father, to send him to my father's house,
[28] for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.'
[29] But Abraham said, `They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.'
[30] And he said, `No, father Abraham; but if some one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.'
[31] He said to him, `If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced if some one should rise from the dead.'"

(Yes, I realize that as an American living in the 21st century I am richer than that rich man was.)

1 comment:

GretchenJoanna said...

I am remembering you in my poor prayers, Matt. God's plan is certainly for your salvation, and I believe you are working with Him on that.