Christmas List For the Man Who Has Everything, 2023

I started putting Christmas lists on here in 2017 because Kathleen (She is the woman to whom I am married!) said I am difficult to buy for. I didn't do one last year, so I figure, since a lot has changed since then, I should do one this year. Therefore, the list (in no particular order):

1. Does your man teach his students about politics, economics and history while he and they sit around an enourmous oaken table? Yes? Then he needs an inspiring bust of Cicero to put in the middle of that table.

2. Long ago when your man's Dad was old and dying he metioned that when he was a boy he had a little candle-powered boat made of tin. So, your man found a company that sold them, and he bought one for his Dad. His dad cried when he opened it but never felt well enough to walk the 30 yards to pond. His Dad died a few weeks later. His Mom gave the boat back to him and he played with it in the pool with his sons. But it was lost in a move and he hasn't seen it since about 2006.

3. He watches It's a Wonderful Life every year. Do you know why? Because of the Midland jump spark cigar lighter George Baily wishes on in Mr. Gowers' drugstore. They don't make new ones anymore but they are available on the secondary market. Just think of all the wishing you and he will be able to do together with one of these in the house.

4. He's needed new hubcaps for, at least, a year.

5. You know, he wears pretty nice shoes but there is no place to get them shined since Nordstorm went out of business in San Francisco and and the shoeshine stand on Market Street in the Financial District has been gone for years. So don't you think one of these shoe shine boxes would be nice.

6. Years ago a very rich woman (She owned a bank.) saw your man looking at a catalog of expensive bathroom stuff. She asked him, "do you know the difference between rich people and poor people?" He said he didn't so she told him. "Rich people won't spend more than twenty-five cents on a shower curtain." So, when he says he would love a new spatula he does not mean one of those $15-$30 spatulas at Williams-Sonoma or Sur la Table. He means this spatula for less than $2.

7. Five words: Steer horns for the Subaru.

8. You know his razor isn't like other razors. It can cut fingers off if you don't keep an eye on it. It can cut though those flimsy vinyl toiletry bags just as easily. Your man needs a sturdy leather or waxed canvass toilety bag with lots of pockets for all the essentials.

9. He doesn't smoke often but, sometimes, when your man travels he would like to take his pipes with him. Unfortuntely, the zipper on the pipe case his son gave him broke several years ago. He needs a new one.

10. He has some scottish ancestors, you know. So don't you think he should learn to play the bagpipes?

11. It has been over a decade since my mother died. I have her last two Bibles. One she had from the early 1970s or maybe earlier, I am not sure. One she had the last three years of her life, it was large print for she was losing her ability to see. The last one is in good shape nd has a few passages underlined or highlighted, but the older one is the one that has all her notes in it. The prayers and notes and sayings in the margins are precious to me. There are verses she has underlined that cause me to staop and say, "Why did she underline this?" and I will look at it for a 1/2 an hour or more trying to think what did this mean to her, what should it mean to me? I came across this a few months ago: "When the Devil reminds you of your past remind him of his future." Well, if there is a gift worth giving, it is the rebinding of my Mother's Bible.