The Christmas List for the Man Who Has Everything

Lots of famous people make lists of things they think you should give as Christmas presents.  Oprah has one.  Martha has one.  Hef used to publish one.  Mine is different.  Mine is the list of things you should give to men in their late 40s.  They are not things anyone needs.  They are merely things that make life a little more comfortable and a bit more happy.

1. Because even though he is older now, he remembers being a boy, and boys dress up like their heroes.  So you will want to buy him a deerstalker.

2. In North America Christmas comes just before the coldest days of the year.  And no matter how well insulated the house is, he will want a nice sweater to wear in the evening.  He probably remembers the comfortable and durable sweater he wore in the field when he was a soldier, or maybe he only saw soldiers on the big screen wear them.  It doesn't matter.  He will get many winter's wear out of this army-inspired Infantry Sweater from Duluth Trading Company.  The company has a well-earned reputation for making long-lasting and comfortable clothing.  He is sure to wear it often.

3.  He probably doesn't smoke (does anyone smoke anymore?) but he will still get lots of joy from a crystal table lighter that will remind him of when he visited his elegant friends in Miami.  Since no one smokes anymore no one makes gorgeous crystal table lighters anymore.  But you can still find brilliant Waterford lighters on eBay.

4.  What is comfort?  A leather wingback club chair.  This is one is one of the best.  It's made with hardwood and top grain leather.  No yellow pine and bonded leather for your man.

5. "Tobacco is an Indian weed.  The Devil's the one who sewed the seed. It yellows your fingers and dirties your clothes and makes a chimney out of your nose."  But that's no reason for him not to have the cigar store indian of his dreams.  The highest quality antique indians go for $50,000, $70,000 or and even more, but isn't he worth it?  And there are deals to be found on eBay.  With a little searching and a little luck you might find the perfect one for your man's favorite room.

6.  It's his favorite lamp from his favorite Christmas movie.  Why not give it to him?  Doesn't he deserve a major award?

7. Seriously, who doesn't want a working miniature canon under the tree on Christmas morning?

8.  He never bought a class ring because he was doing things like paying for diapers and bicycles.  And he would never buy one now because it would be an act of vanity.  But if you bought it for him it would be an act of love.  So go to the Josten's website and order a class ring for him.

9.  You might think it's nuts but he would really like the standing squirrel nut bowl.  He'll set it on his desk and admire it.  Trust me.  He will.

10.  In the age of digital, when everything is lights and screens and plastic, does anything say luxury and civilization like a dictionary lectern?  Just imagine this beautiful piece of furniture supporting the OED or, perhaps, Noah Webster's first dictionary.

11.  He's not just a reader who likes to sit in his chair and read old books, he's also an outdoorsman who ties his zebra midges and klinkhammers beside those cold Sierra streams so they match the hatch.  Therefore, get him this beautiful (for it's functionality) fly-tying kit.

12.  Sometimes, usually in the summer, when the bass and crape are biting in the lakes, he'll want to be out on the water, not wading in it.  For those times a wooden canoe is just what is needed.

13.  Sometime or other the power is going to go out.  It might be because of an EMP, the zombie apocalypse, or who knows what.  But when it happens the cell phone map app won't work.  He's going to need a case to cary his paper maps in.  Why not give him the map case that won WWII?

14.  You never know when he might need to shoot somebody, but when he does don't you want him to do do it like an American?  Of course you do.  That's why your going to give him a Taylor.

15.  He loves Christmas movies and even watches them in the middle of July.  Among his favorite is The Santa Clause, so what better gift to give hem than a snow globe?  But not just any snow globe.  The best snow globe in the world!  And Gump's sells them. (Update 9/11/2019:  On no!  Gumps is out of business!

Day after Thanksgiving

Fruited Molasses Balls and Cranberry-Walnut Pie

    On the 21st of November was the feast of the Entrance of the Theotokos into the Temple.  In the West the same feast is called Presentation, which is nice because I made poached pears to celebrate, which means that they were Presentation Poached Pears.  I like alliteration.  It's fun.

     Also, on that day I began a 30 day assignment for San Jose Unified School District.  I'm teaching government, economics, and American History.  It is much fun.  My students haven't had a teacher since school started (lots of substitutes who only stayed one or two days in the classroom) so they are far behind. 

     Yesterday was Thanksgiving.  Just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  So I won't dwell on it.  Well, we did get up to SF and back without incident so that is something for which to be thankful.  And Kathleen cooked an amazing acorn squash.  I am thankful for that, too.

Harley with gold flake paint

   
    Today, everything went right.  Kathleen and I woke up early and went to Savers, a second hand store, to take advantage of the black Friday sale.  She got amazing deals.  I found a bunch of tins to use for Christmas cookies.

     Then we went shopping for a motorcycle.  I think we found one.  I think she likes it more than I do.  I'd prefer gold flake paint but she likes this one with the maroon paint more.   Also, it has the features we require:  plastic frame leather saddle bags big enough to carry laptop computers, papers, and books, a passenger seat, a sissy bar with mini-luggage rack, and an engine guard because all motorcycles wind up horizontal on the pavement at least once.

Kathleen and I on a Harley

We didn't buy it.  We'll probably wait a couple of weeks.  But the mini-van I've been driving isn't going to last long (It has billions and billions of miles on it.) and it only gets 17 mpg, so we'll have to purchase soon.

After shopping for a motorcycle and getting the salesman all excited we gave him our contact information and left to got get my sons, Anselm and Basil.

When we got home it was time to make fruited molasses balls and cranberry walnut pies to give away.  That is my favorite thing.  I love cooking and baking for other people.  And being able to cook and bake with my sons is even better. I'm not able to eat any of it, or the four fruitcakes that are aging downstairs, or the Christmas cookies I'll make tomorrow, but I do love making all of it and giving it away.

     Oh, I should mention that I still haven't had any alcohol since 7:35 a.m. on August 24 and have lost 70 pounds.  Kathleen emailed my doctor about me (I didn't know until today) and the doctor wants me to go in for lots more tests.  It seems I am, a medical curiosity; most people who quit alcohol after drinking as much as I was drinking have heart attacks and stuff.  Well, when I have time I'll go see her.  But right now I have no symptoms of diabetes and my weigh is still going down a little but each day so I'm happy.

     While the first batch of yum was in the oven the boys went out to the garden and planted another bed of celery, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts.   Then we played cards; Kings Corners, a game my mother used to play with me when I was a boy, while pies baked.

It is evening.  The boys are at their mother's house now, and I am grading papers from last week.  I am very thankful.