Smaller Every Day (and other health stuff)

I weighed myself this morning:  267lbs.  That's down from a high of 339.  All of my clothes hang on me, even the clothes I had taken in by a seamstress.  I hate buying new clothes so I'm just going to look like a circus clown for a few months; at least, until summer.  I don't actually have a goal weight.  I just want to feel good again. And I don't want to die from diabetes or go blind or lose limbs, etc.  I'm still not drinking alcohol.  That is hard.  I am sad all the time, I feel burdened and worried about everything.  Except for church, I don't enjoy anything; not food, not sex, not other people's company, not my work, not my family, not my friends, nothing.  For the sake of those around me I try to act pleasant and happy.  All I want to do is stay in bed all day and listen to audiobooks. I think I am still suffering from depression but I didn't know it when I was drinking.   I am going to talk to my doctor about going back on the Prozac.

Walking for Life

Yesterday was the West Coast Walk for Life.  The boys and I, and 50,000 of our closest friends walked through San Francisco; from City Hall to the Ferry Bldg.  The police were nice.  I was chatting with one officer for a bit who said the pro-lifers are his favorite demonstrators.  We are not as loud, never violent, and we don't make a mess.

I picked the boys up at their mom's house (it used to be my house, too) at seven and we drove up to Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church for Divine Liturgy.  They got a kick out of the pews and kneelers.  It is a beautiful building.  The deacon doors are as big as barn doors.  The boys want to go back there for one of the Holy Week services.  I'll try.

Basil, Anselm, & Me at Walk for Life2018

After the Divine Liturgy Archbishop Benjamin blessed us with oil from the myrrh-streaming icon of Hawaii.  Thus prepared for the walk we; the boys and I, Archpriest Basil's daughter, and the newly-illumined Roy took an uber car to City hall.  We joined up with other Orthodox and were lead by Archbishop Benjamin in the walk.  Not all the groups were Christians.  For example, there was a group of Chumash from Nipomo playing drums and chanting in their language as they walked.  But the crowd was, by far, mostly Roman Catholic.  (The counter demonstrators were vociferously anti-Roman Catholic.)  I am surprised more Protestant churches are not involved in the Walk for Life.  They might not be aware of it.  Hmmmm.  More marketing might be needed.

My youngest son, Basil still has very grave problems.  I won't go into them in public.  But, if you have a chance, say a prayer for him.

Starbucks

I drove by this Starbucks today.  It's in Willow Glen.  When I saw it I was suddenly very thankful.  I don't go to Starbucks very often anymore.  I just drink black coffee made at home, now, but after the divorce I spent a tremendous amount of time there.  I would spend all day nursing a grande cafe latte while using the complimentary WiFi to search for work.  And most importantly, I would take my two youngest sons there.  We would play cards for a couple of hours.  I would drink coffee.  They would drink hot chocolate, or passion tea lemonade.  It was something to do so I wouldn't become a stranger to them.

Be Wary

I have been working at a local high school since November; teaching U.S. history, government, and economics.  Every day I've walk into that classroom with one goal for the students; that they will learn these words and take them to heart.

"Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government's purposes are beneficial. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greater dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." —Justice Louis Brandeis, Olmstead v. United States, 277 U.S. 479 (1928)

Tomorrow is the last day of my assignment at this school.  I hope I have succeeded with some of them.

Kathleen and I have been talking about moving to Maine.  There are a lot of reasons to go there:  Land is inexpensive (1/8 acre in San Jose, California is about 300,000.  10 acres in Penobscot County Maine is $150,000), teacher pay is only a little lower than it is in California, taxes are lower, and her brother lives there.  Of course, I love the idea of living on a place with at least five acres (1 acre of grass = 1 steer and 10 chickens), a barn, and a fire place.  What is holding us back?  Two things, mainly: Custody agreements with ex-spouses, jobs. 

Christmas Review

THINGS I MADE
1 pomander (My thumb was sore for days from pushing the cloves into the apple.)
6 fruitcakes (I ate one but shouldn't have)
2 date nut breads
2 cranberry walnut breads
1 ham
1 crown pork roast
1 goose
1 Astro Weenie Christmas Tree
1 melting cheese man
6 tiramisu (first time to make it)
1 chocolate cake
1 carrot cake

SERVICES I ATTENDED
Nativity Vigil
Nativity Divine Liturgy
Sunday after Nativity Divine Liturgy
Circumcision of Jesus/St. Basil's Day
Theophany Great Blessing of the Waters at Lake Elizabeth

SERVICES I MISSED
Royal Hours
Vigil for Sunday after Nativity
Vigil for Circumcision of Jesus/St. Basil's Day
Vigil for Theophay
Divine Liturgy for Theophany

PARTIES ATTENDED AT OTHER PEOPLES HOUSES
Christmas Day Dinner at my sister's House

PARTIES I HOSTED WITH KATHLEEN
Pre-Christmas for a friend visiting from out of town (the ham)
6th Day of Christmas/Mid Christmas (the goose)
9th Day of Christmas (the crown pork roast)
Twelfth Night (the melting snowman)

MOST UNEXPECTED THING
Kathleen game me a Thermos.  I was instantly a little boy on Christmas 1975 watching my Dad open a Thermos and thinking it was the neatest present ever.  I started to cry.

BEST MEMORY TO TAKE WITH ME INTO THE FUTURE
Calling my sons at their house on the nights they weren't with me and reading children's Christmas books to them over the phone.